In an ideal world, family and loved ones would pass away quietly, in their sleep. They would be surrounded by loved ones and comfortable until the end. Sometimes with visitor restrictions or social distancing, we must tell loved ones “goodbye” over the phone or FaceTime.
This is the farthest thing from ideal. Many hospitals, nursing facilities, assisted living facilities, etc. try to accommodate family members who cannot be in the room when a loved one is imminent. Staff members will hold a phone up to the patient’s ear, use speakerphone, or turn on FaceTime to allow loved ones to say goodbye when they cannot be in the room.
How to Say Goodbye Over the Phone
Stay focused. Focus on your loved one and your relationship with him/her. Block out others in the room and talk specifically to your loved one.
Share the phone. If more people are needing to say goodbye, be sure everyone gets the amount of time they need. Allow others to have their moment.
“I love you” goes a long way. Three words pack a ton of meaning and emotion into them. Don’t hold back, say them as much as you want.
Thank them. It’s likely you’re on the phone because the person had a deep influence on your life. When you say thank you to them, you are letting them know how much of an influence they had on your life. Thank them for the love they have showed you or things they taught you.
Ask for forgiveness. Relationships are hard. We can hurt someone we love in large or small ways. Don’t dwell on the small things. However if something is weighing on you, be sure to apologize for it. Just keep in mind your loved one may respond positively, negatively, or not at all. Take ownership of your faults and know you did what you could to right the wrong(s).
Forgive. Your loved one may ask you for forgiveness for any pain they may have caused. They may not be able to speak due to advance in their state. Regardless of words or actions, you can tell your loved one that you forgive them and free yourself from carrying that burden for the rest of your life.
Relive memories. If you have time to move outside of the love, thankfulness, and forgiveness to relive some memories you two share. Talk about special holidays, trips you’ve taken together, favorite recipes, weddings, or outings you took together Laugh about inside jokes and particular memories. If you’re not alone on the phone, allow others to join in and share memories you all share together. It’s always important to surround your loved one with love and laughter, even in their final moments.
Last conversations are never easy, but they are something you take with you for the rest of your life. It’s always harder when you can’t be with your loved one in the end and you have to have your final conversation over the phone or FaceTime. Just reminding your loved one how much they mean to you, how loved they are, and that they will always be remembered in your heart goes the longest way.
If you or a loved one is in need of hospice, palliative, or bereavement care, please contact us at (270) 826-2326 to learn more.
